Explanations
by NinjaWolf10
Summary: Having raised the turtles for 16 years he would have hoped they'd grown out of the chaos and mayhem they usually cause by now. But still he has to listen to the ridiculous explanations for strange, irrational and frankly worrying behavior. 03 verse
1. Balloons

Balloons

In his life as a single father and Ninja master to four teenage mutant ninja turtles things had never been normal. Even in their younger days before venturing to the surface his four precious turtle sons could still cause havoc and chaos by the most simple of actions. As any parent would he dealt with such situations as they came usually by calmly asking for an explanation of what happened, before deciding on what action to take. He truly fooled himself into believing it was a phase they would grow out of as they got older, giving him some peace from the madness. However as the aged rat knelt across from his two oldest sons in the Dojo, he was starting to believe there would never be an end to it.

His eldest son Leonardo was sat before him with a look of deep thought on his face as he looked to be formulating an explanation as to why he had decided to replace his revered twin Katana swords with pink balloon swords instead.

Glancing to Leonardo's left he found his red masked son looking uncomfortable and refusing to meet his father's eyes, which was a clear sign to the rat this son was also considering how to explain the situation, which for Raphael appeared to be pink balloon wings attached to his shell. Deciding to break the awkward silence he figured now was an appropriate time to ask for an explanation.

"Well my sons, would either of you care to explain your current accessories?" Splinter asked, carefully concealing the smile on his face as both turtles were startled back into the present.

"Well you see..." began Leonardo clearly mortified at being caught by his father with pink balloon swords, the young leader's seemingly endless calm deserted him and he stammered to a halt.

"Mater Splinter" began Raphael straightening his posture to look his father in the face "Leo an' me were arguing about weapons, when Leo said he could take down anything with any weapon. An' I said what about a flying turtle with balloons. So we got some balloons out of the closet to test his claims. It was a matter of honour, Sensei."

At this explanation Leonardo seemed ready to melt through the floor in shame, where as Splinter had to admire Raphael for attempting to retain what dignity he could with wings on his shell.

"I understand Raphael. I take it, that it was testing these claims that brought about an early death to our coffee table and upturned most of the furniture in the living room?" questioned the exasperated rat.

"Mater Splinter I'm so sorry, we should never have..." answered the same faced leader, until Splinter held up a paw to silence him.

"It's quite alright Leonardo, I understand the situation perfectly well. You are both to clean up the mess in the living room and find a replacement coffee table. You are both free to go, although I would suggest Raphael in the future you refrain from standing on the coffee table and Leonardo, pink really does not suit you." decided Splinter with a slight smirk as he watched both turtles bow to him before moving to leave the Dojo. Raphael was still trying to maintain his image despite the wings attached to his shell, where as Leonardo all but scurried out of the Dojo in shame.

With a deep sigh the Ninja master could only shake his head at their antics, with Michelangelo and Donatello visiting April he had hoped for some peace to meditate. Closing his eyes to begin his meditation again Splinter could not help but ponder how many more ridiculous explanations for strange, irrational and frankly worrying behavior he would have to listen to. At 16 years old surely his sons could be a bit more responsible?


	2. Tea

**Hope you all enjoy this one, the idea came to me and I had to write it!**

Tea

_Where did I go wrong?_

This was the single thought running through Splinter's head as he sacrificed yet another part of his breakfast into the toilet. It wasn't the breakfast that had caused this, of that he was certain, the reason for this sudden fit of vomiting was most certainly from his mid morning cup of tea. Overall the lair had been relatively quiet that morning; training and breakfast had passed by without incident and the rat truly believed he would have some peace to enjoy his stories whilst his sons enjoyed their own pursuits.

"Are you feeling better Sensei?" questioned his red masked son, poking his head around the doorframe of the bathroom. Ah Raphael. The only son he believed was innocent. Sensing that the vomiting was finally at an end the rat shakily got to his feet and flushed the toilet whilst mentally preparing himself to hear the explanations from his sons this time.

"Yes thank you Raphael, are your brothers in the living room still?

"Yeah they're waiting for you" answered Raphael who was trying to hide a smirk at his brothers' situation. He knew they were in for it.

As he entered the living room, Master Splinter was met with three concerned faces; already the three of them were kneeling around his armchair, awaiting their chance to plead innocent no doubt. Still feeling shaky the ninja master who had been defeated by a cup of tea sat down heavily into his chair, whilst Raphael chose to lounge on the sofa in anticipation of his brothers' humiliation. Splinter saw no reason to make him leave, after all he was innocent

From where he sat, the rat could see the shame burning across Leonardo's face as well as the guilty look on Michelangelo's face. Donatello however looked curious, as if he couldn't figure out why something hadn't worked.

"I will ask only once, who added poison to my tea and more importantly why did you do it" said Splinter sternly, even though he still felt rather off after his bout of vomiting.

Silence.

Where had he gone wrong with them, did they not even have the decency to tell him why they tried to kill him? Since no one was forth coming with an answer Splinter decided to start with Donatello since he didn't even have the decency to look ashamed.

"Donatello perhaps you should start the explanation" This seemed to relieve Michelangelo somewhat since he was not called on to explain the attempted patricide. Leonardo however looked as if he had been presented with the electric chair, as his brother began his explanation.

"Well you see Master Splinter; I was researching poison in my lab when Mikey came in pestering me to find out what I was doing, so I started to explain to him about different poisons and how I was looking at cures. When Leo comes in, and after hearing what we were talking about tells us the best cure is prevention. By which he meant building up a tolerance to poison's. He told us he was going to try ingesting small amounts of different poisons to build up resistance like a true ninja. "

If anything Leonardo seemed more shame faced than before and continued to stare at his knee pads as Donatello continued his tale.

"I told Leo there was evidence to suggest doing that doesn't improve your immunity to poisons but only weakens your body. Leo insisted it did and that you had been doing it to yourself for years, which was why you never got food poisoning and vomiting bugs."

Donatello was explaining this like a science project noticed Splinter as his stomach twisted again, but thankfully he didn't feel the need to throw up. Whilst it was true the rat hadn't been very ill for years and didn't recall vomiting before, he believed it was more to do with a better diet and cleanliness than his sons had.

"I didn't think you had been building up a tolerance to poisons, I thought it was your mutated rat DNA that gave you the immunity to the bugs we pick up. Mikey agreed with Leo though, so Leo suggested we add some very mild poison to your tea and see if it affected you, since he was so confident in his theory and I was confident in mine, Leo added some of this non lethal poison to your cup when he made you both tea before you watch your stories" finished his purple masked son unashamedly.

"We didn't mean to make you sick Master Splinter! You're going to be ok right?" blurted out Michelangelo

"I think I will recover Michelangelo" answered Splinter sharply "Although you do not seem to have taken a large part in this plot, you also did nothing to prevent your brothers poisoning me and so for that you are to do extra training everyday for a week, and you are grounded for a week as well.

" Leonardo, although I admire your dedication to the ways of the Ninja if you had questions regarding poison you should have asked me yourself instead of just believing you were right. You are the leader, supposedly the most responsible and yet you add poison to my tea! Donatello you also should have known better than to test your theories on family!" Splinter lectured the two sons who were usually the least trouble.

"You are both grounded for two weeks and shall perform extra meditation sessions every night with me, and since you both seem so interested in poison I expect a three thousand word essay on the subject by the end of the week."

Leonardo had visibly deflated throughout his reprimand and he now stood and went to leave along with his brothers after bowing an apologising to Splinter, as did Michelangelo. Donatello however stood with a puzzled look on his face before he also apologised to the rat. "I'm sorry for the poison Master Splinter, but can I get a sample of your DNA? I was sure you would be immune to the poison Leo added into your tea."

"No, now go!" snapped Splinter as his purple clad son scurried off to his lab.

Sighing Splinter sunk further into his arm chair and closed his eyes.

"Can I get you anything Master Splinter" asked Raphael who had remained silent throughout his brothers' explanation and punishments, but Splinter knew he had enjoyed not being on the receiving end of this lecture. His innocence was proven by the fact he had only returned to the lair after visiting Mr Jones whilst the rat was vomiting in the toilet.

"No thank you Raphael, I think I will go for a lie down" Raphael only nodded before heading to the dojo.

At least Splinter had now learnt two important lessons. Firstly never take tea from Leonardo again, and secondly Raphael is the only son who didn't have a hand in poisoning him!


	3. Glue

Glue

"Explain yourselves. Now." demanded Master Splinter to three of his sons, as they gathered in the bathroom of the lair.

Splinter had been in bed, sound asleep when his sharp hearing had picked up the sounds of mischief coming from within their home. He might have ignored it, had he not distinctly heard the sound of one turtle's pleads being dramatically cut off. The noise having woken him anyway he decided it was best to see what was going on before any of his sons could damage the lair, or each other.

He had however not expected to find Raphael and Donatello standing in the bathroom admiring their handiwork, of Michelangelo hanging from the ceiling. His orange banded son appeared to be suspended from the ceiling by boots he was wearing, whilst his arms were tied behind his shell with duct tape, a piece of which was covering his mouth. Despite Michelangelo's obvious panic at his predicament the rat couldn't help but wonder how his sons had managed it.

Although curious to know what on earth had possessed his children to stick their brother to the ceiling, tiredness and frustration at his sons for their irrational behaviour didn't make for a very happy Father. Was it that much to ask they keep their strange behaviour to daylight hours? It was with some relief however that Splinter noted Leonardo didn't seem to be involved with his brothers' antics this time. Deciding to leave Michelangelo as he was for the time being, Splinter had directed his request for an explanation to his other two sons. Neither of which looked particularly bothered by their behaviour.

Raphael looked like justice had been served, and Donatello simply looked curiously at his younger orange clad brother who was clearly wondering why they hadn't taken him down yet.

"I'm waiting" snapped Splinter as his tail lashed on the ground. After quickly glancing at each other Raphael shrugged and began his explanation.

"Mikey set up a prank that ended with my Sai blades glued together" growled Raphael who was still clearly annoyed with his younger brother "and he glued the door to Donnie's lab shut."

"I wouldn't have noticed until morning but I went to put a book back in my lab when I couldn't get the door open" cut in Donatello who also seemed unimpressed with his brother.

"So you decided to take revenge on Michelangelo?" questioned Splinter

With a shrug Raphael confirmed his theory "We figured since he seemed to like glue so much, he could hang here till morning."

"How did you do it?" the rat couldn't help but wonder out loud. At this point Michelangelo was getting more agitated at his predicament and that he didn't have the chance to give his side of the story.

"Well, me and Raph decided we had to do something to get back at Mikey so Raph held him down with the duct tape while I wrestled some old boots onto his feet. Then it was a simple matter of using superglue and hanging him from the ceiling" finished Donatello with a smirk.

After taking a minute to process exactly what his sons had been doing the rat sighed and decided to get his over with quickly.

"Take your brother down and then go to bed. Michelangelo with remove the glue from your weapons Raphael, and your door Donatello in the morning, before he reports to me for extra meditation. Whilst you two will clean this bathroom from top to bottom. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sensei" answered Raphael and Donatello, while Michelangelo nodded furiously from his spot on the ceiling.

Donatello decided it was best to simply untie the shoes to get Michelangelo down and to unstuck the boots in the morning. Michelangelo was relieved to be down from the ceiling and had immediately dropped to his knees complaining about his brothers' unfair treatment of him and their disrespect for his wonderful pranks.

Master Splinter however was in no mood for more trouble and quickly sent all three to bed. The rat master decided to make use of the bathroom himself since he was up and as he sat down on the seat it occurred to him that Leonardo had not reported any pranks being pulled on him. Unfortunately Splinter had already sat down at this point and unwittingly fallen into the trap set for his early rising son, Leonardo. Glue on the toilet seat.

"Michelangelo!"


	4. Strange

A/N - Hey guys sorry for long time in updates but I've been working on my other story Revenge, hope you enjoy this chapter and please review

Strange

Strange. Yes, that was the word to describe his home in the last few days. Sat in a meditative position in the safety of his room, Splinter was attempting to sort through the strange goings on of the last few days.

It had started on Wednesday morning, breakfast had progressed normally enough but it was at morning training he had noticed a change in Donatello. While all his sons usually put a good amount of effort into training it was usually only Leonardo who was particularly dedicated to hard training, which was why the effort Donatello had displayed had surprised him, however none of Donatello's brothers seemed to notice the extra focus their brother was putting into training.

His purple banded son was a skilled Ninja but Splinter knew his heart had never lain in their Ninjutsu training. That was why he had been so surprised when Donatello had requested an extra lesson after formal training had ended. It was rare for Donatello to request extra training so Splinter quite happily accepted the turtle's request and had spent an extra hour working on his Katas with him.

Whilst this was unusual it would not have caused the Ninja master any alarm had Donatello not come to him after lunch requesting another training session. Foolishly Splinter had thought perhaps Donatello wanted to spend more time with him and he had asked Donatello if there was anything else he would like to do with him, however Donatello was set on training, after which he then followed up by meditating in the dojo for two hours alone before dinner. At this point Splinter was more than a little confused by his sons actions all day, even though Leonardo, Michelangelo and Raphael didn't seem to be paying attention to their brothers unusual activities. To finish off the day Donatello had practiced alone in the dojo for another hour, before doing some weapon maintenance on his Bo staff followed by more meditation and bed.

Splinter had decided not to confront his son about his extra training and would wait to see if it continued the following day.

Unfortunately for Splinter what followed the next day was even stranger. Raphael had been cleaning. Everything. His red banded son had woken early that morning, about the same time Leonardo and himself were up at. As soon as he woke up he had entered the kitchen and started organizing it. All of their dishes, cutlery, and food had been arranged according to size, colour, expiration date. Raphael had worked meticulously all morning until breakfast when he sat down at the exact time they usually ate breakfast. Splinter could only watch in astonishment as his usually hot tempered son who was not a morning turtle sat quietly but attentively at the breakfast table.

The day only got progressively stranger for the old rat from there. Raphael had arrived to training exactly on time after which he stayed to tidy up the Dojo and sharpen all their weapons. He then proceeded to clean the living room before moving onto his bedroom. Donatello however had gone back to his usual self while it appeared to be Raphael's day for odd behavior. Splinter was absolutely shocked at the change in Raphael, like Donatello the day before he had woken up and been completely out of character. Both of his sons had gone about their day as if in mourning. Their usual sparks gone for the day and replaced with something else that remained a mystery to Splinter.

This however led Splinter to today's predicament. Michelangelo. His orange banded son had not left him alone since he woke up. Which was why the rat now found himself hiding in his room under the pretense of meditation. Which Michelangelo had offered to join him in several times. At first he thought Michelangelo had broken something or caused some kind of mischief he was hoping to avoid punishment for when Splinter awoke to his favorite breakfast being cooked and his mug of tea already made. When questioned Michelangelo claimed he had done nothing and was simply being a 'good son' to the 'best Dad a turtle could ask for'. Once again Raphael had gone back to his usual self and Donatello and Leonardo were themselves even though none of his sons again noticed the strange behavior of their brother.

Splinter's train of thought was suddenly interrupted as a knocking on his door alerted him to a presence.

"Master Splinter do you need anything? More tea, candles lighting, a pillow? I know the floor gets uncomfortable when you're meditating, is your tail sore?" his orange clad son called through the woefully thin door.

Right enough was enough. Standing up Splinter quickly turned to open his door surprising Michelangelo on the other side.

"My sons! Here. Now!" Splinter called into the creepily quiet lair.

A few seconds later his sons materialized in the living room. None of them looked the least bit surprised they were being summoned like this. It's like they were expecting it as they all gathered in front of his favorite arm chair and knelt down waiting for him.

Wearily Splinter went to take his place, he would get to the bottom of this one way or another.

"Alright explain yourselves" he demanded making sure each son felt the burn of his gaze.

"I'm not explaining" stated Leonardo seemingly bored by this whole thing

"Mikey should do it, it's his day after all" suggested Raphael which Donatello quickly nodded his agreement to before Michelangelo could disagree.

"Your day for what?" questioned Splinter turning his focus to Michelangelo.

"Ok guess I'm explaining" began the orange clad turtle with a sigh " we went on patrol the other night and Leo was getting all high and mighty on us cause he thought we were slacking and need to be more dedicated like him blah blah blah. So Raph told him what a bore he is and how we were all dedicated we just weren't freaks about it. So Leo went on another rant saying we couldn't pull off being him and saying he leads a very interesting life for a turtle. "

"And how exactly did this cause your strange behavior the last few days?" Splinter asked still feeling the annoyance from before.

"Well since Leo said we should be more dedicated like him we made a bet with him that we'd each be dedicated to one of the three things Leo's dedicated to for a day, and if each of us could pull it off all day then Leo had to go a week without mentioning the words 'extra training' 'dedication and 'like me'."

Splinter was baffled, where had he gone wrong that they would make such ridiculous bets with each other? But curiosity won out, he had to know the rest of the story "What areas of dedication was it you each focused on?"

This time Donatello decided to answer their father "Well, Leo's dedicated to training more than he needs to, being a compulsive clean freak, and sucking up to you. So I did Ninjutsu, Raph did cleaning and Mikey was supposed to be sucking up to you."

Splinter found himself at a loss for words, he also found himself feeling a bit sorry for his eldest son, surely that was a very hollow interpretation of his son's dedication. Before he had a chance to comfort his blue clad son though Leonardo turned to his brothers.

"Good job guys, Donnie I hope you see now how much effort I put into training, and Raph it's not easy to keep a sewer and weapons as clean and sharp as I do. Mikey your efforts were good but you came on too strong, you need to be more subtle about it. Master Splinter's getting older and he shouldn't notice the extra help you give him" lectured Leonardo to everyone's collective astonishment.

Definitely strange.


	5. Report

Report

Sipping his tea in the peaceful kitchen of their sewer home, Master Splinter waited patiently for his sons to finish their morning training. A few weeks ago he had decided it was time to let Leonardo have a taste of the responsibility of teaching others and believed it would benefit him as a Ninja and the leader of his brothers. So for a few lessons each week he had stepped out of the dojo and left Leonardo in charge of the training. In truth his other sons hadn't been particularly happy with the idea of Leonardo teaching them, especially Raphael but he had assured them it was a necessary part of their Ninja training and at some point they would all have the chance to teach the others. But for now Leonardo was the only one ready for such responsibility.

Splinter's ears twitched slightly as he heard the tell tale sounds of his sons leaving the dojo, though they didn't seem to be in their usual bouncy mood as the lair remained unusually quiet. Normally they would have already burst in to the kitchen disturbing the peace and quiet as they bickered among themselves.

_Something must have happened_ mused Splinter as he finished the last of his tea. Picking up his walking stick he left the sanctity of the kitchen behind as he headed in to the main living area of the lair. To his surprise he could see Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello huddled close together talking in frantic whispers among themselves next to the television wall. They didn't seem to be aware of his presence in the room yet so Splinter glanced around the room searching for his eldest son, only to locate him in the middle of the dojo where he appeared to be meditating.

Turning his attention back to his other children he decided now was as good a time as any to find out what was going on.

"How was training my sons?" announced Splinter loud enough to startle the turtles.

The three turtles in question spun around to face him with surprise etched on their faces followed by quick glances at each other. It was Michelangelo who decided to answer his question as the orange banded turtle quickly snatched a white envelope from each of Donatello and Raphael and bound across to him.

"It was great Master Splinter! We really think our ninja skills are getting so much better with Leo's super strict training! I mean, we miss you doing our lessons really! Did I ever tell you how much we all enjoyed training with you" babbled Michelangelo as he bounced around the rat.

"Hey me, Raph and Donnie promised April we'd help her out with uh- something really important today! So we gotta run, don't worry we won't be seen and we'll be back uh-soonish!" As Michelangelo continued his babbling Splinter could only watch as Raphael and Donatello inched closer and closer to the exit.

"By the way these are for you from Leo! Bye Sensei!" Michelangelo quickly pushed three white enveloped into Splinter's hand before racing towards the exit his other brothers were just disappearing through.

With a weary sigh Splinter sank in to the old couch and decided to see what these envelopes were about. Each of the three envelopes had one of his sons names on it in what he recognized as Leonardo's hand writing. His curiosity peaked as he wondered what these envelopes could possibly contain that would cause such fear in three of his sons that they would flee the Lair.

Taking the first envelope with Donatello's name on it Splinter decided to see what all the fuss was about before speaking to Leonardo. Being mindful of his claws Splinter carefully removed two pages from the envelope that was covered with Leonardo's flowing hand writing that read:

_Dear Mr Hamato_

_Here is the latest assessment report of Donatello Hamato for your viewing._

_Student Name: Donatello Hamato_

_Subject: Ninjutsu_

_Flexibility: B_

_Speed: B_

_Power: C_

_Overall Fitness: C_

_Comments: Decent level of fitness but could improve by training more often and spending less time sitting on his backside in his lab. Needs to stop drinking coffee and live a healthier, natural lifestyle._

_Technique: B_

_Katas: B_

_Sparring: D_

_Combinations: C_

_Stealth: B_

_Overall: C_

_Comments: Good attention to detail and memory skills but needs to focus more on his opponent in sparring and less on the projects he has going on. Little effort to add power into techniques._

_Behaviour: Average_

_Final Comments: Has potential but needs to get more into the mindset of a Ninja and think less about technology. He might progress more if he spent less time making snarky comments behind the teachers back and more time on correcting his stances. He should also stop correcting the teacher when said teacher is teaching. Possibility of a superiority complex._

_I trust you will be able to straighten your son out in this matter Mr Hamato._

_Leonardo Hamato_

To say Splinter was shocked would be an understatement as he got to the bottom of the 'report' on Donatello. No wonder his sons had been so worried and fled the lair! As the Ninja master stared incredulously at the paper before him, his mind spun as he wondered what on earth had convinced Leonardo that writing reports on his brothers was a good idea. He knew he should speak to the blue clad turtle about this but curiosity pulled at him until he opened the envelope marked Raphael.

_Dear Mr Hamato_

_Here is the latest assessment report of Raphael Hamato for your viewing._

_Student Name: Raphael Hamato_

_Subject: Ninjutsu_

_Flexibility: B_

_Speed: C_

_Power: A_

_Overall Fitness: B_

_Comments: Good level of fitness but needs to realize that strength isn't everything and needs to work more on improving his flexibility and speed. No one wants to see a ninja turtle who that's bulked up they move at the speed of a regular turtle. _

_Technique: C_

_Katas: D_

_Sparring: B_

_Combinations: D_

_Stealth: C_

_Overall: D_

_Comments: Seems to enjoy hitting others and testing his strength but shows little regard for the intricacies of technique and thinking before striking._

_Behavior: Poor_

_Final Comments: Needs to look closer at the Ninja arts of stealth and concealment. Seems to resent my authority, and position above him in life. I suggest he seeks help in getting used to it. Possibly suffers from anger management problems._

_I trust you will be able to straighten your son out in this matter Mr Hamato._

_Leonardo Hamato_

As he finished reading the second report, Splinter felt sorry for his sons. None of them were perfect students but they didn't really deserve to have their faults written down and passed on to their Father.

With some trepidation Splinter opened the third and final envelope.

_Dear Mr Hamato_

_Here is the latest assessment report of Michelangelo Hamato for your viewing._

_Student Name: Michelangelo Hamato_

_Subject: Ninjutsu_

_Flexibility: A_

_Speed: A_

_Power: C_

_Overall Fitness: B_

_Comments: A natural athlete who doesn't need to put much effort in to be quicker than the other students though it would be nice if he did occasionally put some effort into his training, other than just annoying his fellow students and the teacher._

_Technique: B_

_Katas: D_

_Sparring: B_

_Combinations: D_

_Stealth: D_

_Overall: D_

_Comments: Far too noisy to be a true Ninja. Needs to focus more on the true warrior's way and stop poking fun at his opponents until they turn murderous._

_Behavior: Very Poor_

_Final Comments: A constant source of distraction for the other students and very lazy to boot. He could be great if he focused but unfortunately this is highly unlikely to ever happen. Might want to look into possible attention disorders._

_I trust you will be able to straighten your son out in this matter Mr Hamato._

_Leonardo Hamato_

Clearly this new power had gone straight to Leonardo's head when he felt he had the authority to report on his brothers in such a disrespectful manner! Splinter stood quickly from the sofa and made his way towards the dojo to confront his son.

"Leonardo I have just read those reports you made on your brothers and I must say I am disappointed-" began Splinter as Leonardo rose from his position on the mats and came over to him.

"That reminds me, this is for you Master Splinter" interrupted his blue clad son as he handed a folded piece of paper over to Splinter.

Stunned into silence, Splinter unfolded the paper and read the title of the page.

_Parenting plan for Splinter Hamato to correct problems with sons behaviour _

Whack.

That should correct the problem.


	6. Justified

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews guys. Enjoy!**

**Justified**

That should correct the problem.

Just what he wanted to hear while meditating. A shrieking sound from the bathroom, in the unmistakable voice of his eldest son. With a deep sign Hamato Splinter rose from his meditating position in the sanctity of his room, and prepared to intervene in what he was certain was going to give him a headache.

_'I wonder if Donatello could soundproof my room'_ Splinter thought irritably as he made his way towards the source of the shrieking that he was now certain originated from the bathroom.

As he approached the door way his quick eyes noticed Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael hiding in the shadows near to the bathroom and appeared to be totally transfixed on what was going on within the bathroom.

Deciding to deal with them first Splinter approached his troublesome sons.

"Is there something interesting happening in there?" Splinter inquired.

Startled the three turtles jumped at the sound of Splinter's voice and turned to face him.

"You gotta stop sneaking up on us like that Sensei! Give a turtle a heart attack why don't ya" replied Raphael looking surprised.

"My room now!" snapped the Ninja master clearly in no mood for excuses.

"But we may be innocent!" protested Michelangelo.

"Go" repeated Splinter with an edge of irritation in his voice that sent the three turtles in question traipsing towards his room. Resignation plastered on their faces.

Marching towards the bathroom where the shrieking had changed to whimpering Splinter was met with an unsettling sight. Leonardo was kneeling on the floor of the bathroom facing towards the full length mirror in the room with his Katanas and sheaths on the floor in front of him. His green body appeared to be covered in ink and across his shell there was a large bright red letter 'F' painted on to it.

"Leonardo what is wrong?" questioned Splinter as his eldest turned to face him.

"Master Splinter I failed you! I am not worthy to be your son, I understand if you disown me and throw me out!" cried the blue masked turtle as he prostrated himself on the floor before his Father.

Slightly unnerved at the performance of his usually stoic son, Splinter looked closer at his son and noticed that the letter 'F' appeared to have been stamped across Leonardo's body in bright red ink. The letter covered his arms, legs, plastron and even appeared in the middle of his forehead and on the tails of his bandanna.

Leonardo was still lying before him on the floor and Splinter was momentarily stunned into silence. After a moments consideration he realized Leonardo was unlikely to be of much help in discovering what had happened and instead decided that interrogating his other sons was likely to bring a quicker end to his saga.

"Leonardo meditate in the Dojo and calm yourself. I will speak to you later my son" announced Splinter who watched as his proud son rose slightly from his position and crawled across the floor of the lair towards the Dojo. His prized Katana lying discarded on the floor.

Making his way back towards his room, the rat mentally prepared himself for what was sure to be a confusing and strange tale.

As he approached the door it surprised him that his sons were silent. Usually they were assigning blame to one another at this point. Marching past his kneeling sons, Splinter took his place opposite them.

"You want to know what happened to Leo right?" asked Donatello before Splinter had chance to question them.

Splinter nodded slightly signalling for him to continue.

"OK we'll tell you what happened but you should know that it was only right" continued Donatello as Michelangelo and Raphael remained silent. It was apparent to Splinter that Donatello was the nominated spokes-turtle for this scheme, but the rat said nothing and let his son continue.

_**The night before**_

"Hey Leo, I bet I can beat you on this quiz" taunted Michelangelo to his older brother who was currently reading on the sofa.

"What quiz?" questioned the blue masked turtle without moving his eyes from his book

"Donnie found this quiz online and showed it to Master Splinter who said that only true Ninjas could pass a quiz like that so Master Splinter did it and passed and then Raph and Donnie did it too and passed and I'm about to do it myself. You wanna have a go too bro?"

"Sure I'll probably find it easier than you will though, so don't be too hard on yourself if you fail bro" answered Leonardo as he marked his place in the book and stood to face his orange banded brother.

Hiding the spike of annoyance at Leonardo's answer, Michelangelo forced a smile and bounced towards Donnie's lab. "Donnie has it set up in here Leo!"

As both turtles assembled in Donnie's lab they were met with a grinning Raph and Donnie turned in his computer chair to face his brothers.

"So who's going first then?" asked Donatello knowing instantly what both brothers were here to do.

"I will" answered the eldest turtle immediately and took the seat offered to him by Don. The quiz was already set up on the computer and cracking his knuckles Leonardo set down to begin...

_5 minutes later..._

"I failed" whispered Leonardo as he stared mortified at the screen in front of him displaying a large F and announcing he had got 0 out of 15 questions correct.

A light clicking sound caught his attention and he turned to see a piece of paper sticking out of Donnie's printer.

"Here's your results Leo, you might want to practice a bit more bro you're the only one who hasn't passed yet" announced Raphael as he lifted the paper from the printer and placed it in a pile with three other sheets of paper that upon further inspection were the results from Raph, Donnie and Splinter.

"But how..." whispered Leonardo. The questions were easy, or so he thought the correct answer stood out among the other stupid answer options.

"Step aside Leo and let a pro show you how it's done!" called Mikey as he pushed his brother out of the chair and restarted the quiz.

5 minutes of silence later and Michelangelo's results were being calculated. A large A appeared on the screen and it was confirmed that Mikey had answered all 15 questions correctly.

"Woo hoo!" shouted an excited Michelangelo and swiftly high threed Donnie and Raph.

"So wait" said Leonardo interrupting his celebrating brothers " you all got an A, and answered every question right.

"Yep, even Master Splinter" confirmed a grinning Michelangelo "Don't worry bro we won't tell Master Splinter yet, we can help you practice and then maybe you'll pass too!"

"Don't worry Leo, not everyone can be a true Ninja straight away" added Donnie

"Yeah some people just take more time to get the hang of Ninja stuff" finished Raphael patting his older brother on the shoulder.

"Uh yeah well it's getting late, I think I night turn in for the night" replied a despondent Leonardo as he left the lab and headed towards his room.

"Phase 1 complete" announced Raphael sharing an evil look with his remaining brothers.

_2 hours later..._

In the dark stillness of the lair three figures moved silently towards the bedroom of Leonardo. For the next phase of their plan they needed Leonardo to stay asleep and it was unfortunate that he was such a light sleeper. Pushing the door open a crack, Donatello let a tiny metal ball roll in to the room where it stopped by the bottom of their blue clad brothers' bed. Easing the door closed again, Donatello pressed the button on a small remote and the small metal ball opened silently and released an airborne sleeping agent into the air. After waiting outside the door silently for 5 minutes while the air cleared, the three intruders quietly entered their older brothers' bedroom.

Like clockwork the three brothers began the process of stamping the letter 'F' all over their brothers body, making sure to remain as quiet as possible even though it became more apparent to them that Leonardo was sound asleep and would not wake up yet. His mask tails were also stamped and his katanas were removed from their sheaths and stamped too. Carefully they turned Leonardo over and Raphael produced the red paint and brush he had brought and proceeded to paint a large F on the sleeping turtles shell.

Their task done, they returned Leonardo to his previous sleeping position and left the room silently. Now all they had to do was wait until their brother woke up...

_**Present**_

... so that was where you found us this morning while Leo had a meltdown in the bathroom" finished Donatello, bringing a close to their tale of deceit.

After listening in stunned silence Splinter eventually asked the question that had been plaguing him though he suspected he knew the answer. "Why?"

"He tested our ninja knowledge and gave us report cards, so it was only fair we did the same to him!" explained Michelangelo.

It was a cruel way of teaching their brother a lesson but as Splinter eyed the folded piece of paper full of parenting advice, Leonardo had presented to him he thought it wasn't entirely unjustified.


	7. Getting to Know you

**Getting to know you**

"I want to know exactly what you four have been doing" demanded Splinter from his seat in the arm chair of the main room as his four sons knelt in front of him.

Silence answered him.

"Someone had better explain to me where these letters came from" the rat snapped, angrily pointing to a pile of letters on the coffee table.

It was Michelangelo who decided to start the explanation "Well you see it started..."

**_One week ago..._**

"Do you think Master Splinter ever gets lonely?" questioned the orange clad turtle as he stuffed more potato chips into his mouth.

"What do ya mean?" answered his red banded brother who was also sitting on the couch as a commercial break played out across the TV wall.

"Look at this commercial!" pointed out Michelangelo as a promotion for online dating continued to play out on the screens. The commercial was currently showing lonely people meeting the person of their dreams. "He needs some love in his life!" exclaimed the mutant as he finished the bag of chips.

"What do ya mean he needs love, he's got us what more does he need"

"He needs a woman in his life Raph! You know someone to cuddle with, who he can enjoy his soaps with, spend time with..."

"I get it!" interrupted Raph "but he's a mutant rat living in the sewers with four kids, doesn't exactly scream ladies man. Besides he's got Leo to watch his soaps with"

"What are you two talking about?" called Leo from where he was practicing his katas

"You listening in bro" accused Raph

"I heard my name" shrugged the blue clad turtle as he made his way over to the couch where his younger brothers were.

"Do you think Master Splinter gets lonely?" asked Michelangelo turning in his seat to look at his brother

Leonardo seemed to think carefully about it before answering. "Maybe. I mean he is the only mutant rat in the world..." Leo trailed off as his mind started to question if his Father was lonely and he hadn't noticed.

"That could be why he's always so serious and strict" added a new voice causing the turtles to jump as Donatello appeared seemingly from nowhere.

"How long have you been there and why didn't we notice ya" grumbled Raph to his genius brother

"Ninja" he answered simply before continuing "Humans and animals naturally seek companionship like Mikey described and Master Splinter has never had companionship like that before. He might not miss it but on some level he must crave it and that may be why he's always been so serious and not so much fun."

"Yeah but he's a mutant rat, no offence to Sensei but what girl would want him?" questioned Raph as it seemed his brothers were missing his point.

"We should set him up on a dating website!" exclaimed Michelangelo. His mind already whirring with how to set Splinter up.

"I don't think Sensei would go for that Mike" answered Leo

"We don't need to tell him, we can set up a profile and see if anyone is interested!" pushed the orange clad turtle.

"Well..." started Donnie

"You aren't seriously considering this are ya Donnie?" said an exasperated Raph

"Well not setting him up on an actual date, but maybe if we could get some interest in him they might send him letters and give him the emotional connection he is clearly lacking."

"How is he lacking an emotional connection?" asked Leo as his worry continued to grow. Had Splinter been missing something all these years.

"Think about it as a pet rat he will have had no connection with female rats and so was alone then. When we mutated he was the only adult and so spent the first few years only having babies as company, plus we are all male so after all this time he will have been lacking a woman's presence. This could have caused him to become emotionally crippled and blocked up hence why he's always so uptight and serious."

The other turtles could only look at Donnie in stunned silence as he finished his analysis of Master Splinter.

"It's settled then. We set him up on a dating website and arrange for some of these women to send him letters" announced the blue clad turtle now in full leader mode as they embarked on the mission to set their Father up.

Raphael however was not convinced "That's a load of rubbish, he's never seemed interested in romance before and he knows April! So there is a woman in his life.

"Why do you think he watches the soaps on tv, he's subconsciously compensating for what he doesn't have. April's presence is only taunting him with what he hasn't got as to the best of my knowledge she isn't romantically interested in him and spends a lot more time with us than him." concluded Don as the evidence of Splinter being lonely stacked up in the eyes of Leo and Mikey who were nodding and agreeing with everything their brainy brother said.

To them it all made perfect sense.

"If you don't want to help make Master Splinter happy then you can stay here" stated Mikey as he hopped off the couch and followed his other brothers into the lab.

With a reluctant sigh Raphael followed his brothers. It would be interesting if nothing else.

10 minutes later a quick internet search by Donatello had produced a good website that offered three moths free membership and the brothers were crammed around the screen as the screen prompted them to fill out Splinters details.

"Okay guys first question: Name" announced Donatello who was the nominated typing turtle.

"Duh it's Splinter obviously" answered Mikey to the obvious question.

"Splinter Hamato" added Leo

"Age" read Donnie

Silence followed as each turtle pondered this question. Splinter had chosen birthdays for each of the turtles when they were babies and as they got older they realized he didn't have one himself and so had chosen a birthday for him which the turtles celebrated every year but they no way of knowing his age.

"50" guessed Mikey

"45" ventured Raph

"You know technically he's only a couple of years older than us. He was an adult rat when he mutated so he was probably between two and three years old and been mutated for 16 years so he's probably only 19 years old really" Donatello explained to his strangely silent brothers.

"That is so creepy Donnie. He's not a teenager, he's our Dad therefore he's old" decided Mikey who looked rather disturbed by the conversation.

"Well let's go for middle aged then, it fits better anyway" started Leonardo who looked about as disturbed as Mikey.

"No put him as 22 ladies like a younger man" Raph interrupted.

"Ok fine he's 22, now let's move on" announced the purple banded turtle getting tired of his brothers bickering.

"Alright what's next" questioned Leo

"Eye colour"

"Brown" stated Raphael

"Favourite colour"

"Green" answered the leader without hesitation

"Body shape"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Mikey leaning over Donnie's shoulder to get a better look at the screen.

"The options are athlete, average, a bit extra, big and cuddly"

"I'd go athlete" Leo said after a moment's consideration

"How many more questions are there on that stupid thing?" grumbled an impatient looking Raph

"A lot Raph. Remember we're trying to sell him on here guys so we may at times need to stretch the truth. Agreed?" asked Donnie spinning in his chair to look at his brothers

"Agreed" chorused the other three turtles as they turned their attention back to their task.

**Present**

"... so that's all we were trying to do Master Splinter" finished Michelangelo giving the rat his best puppy dog eyes.

"What exactly did you put on this fake profile of me that would result in me getting letters like this?" steamed Splinter.

When April had came down to the lair earlier today with a large stack of mail addressed to him, he had been shocked. Who on Earth would write to him and know to send it to April. When April had delivered the strange load the boys had been out for training in the sewers, so he had thanked her for delivering the post and had asked her not to mention anything to the turtles about it.

He was certain it had something to do with them and when he had read the contents of the letters he had no doubts about who was responsible. Some of the letters he had received were disturbing to say the least...

"Clearly you're a big hit with the ladies Sensei! So what were they saying to you?" inquired Michelangelo as his other sons also looked up at him curiously.

Despite himself, Splinter could feel embarrassment creeping up. The letters were detailing rather vivid fantasies these women were apparently having of him; one woman had even sent him her bra. Perhaps most disturbing was that these women were middle aged and several promised to make him their toy boy.

Clearing his throat Splinter decided offense was the best defence in this situation. "The letters were very personal and I will not tell you what was in them however it was all highly inappropriate. I understand your intentions in this were good but very misguided. I am not lonely and I'm not missing the presence of a woman in my life either. "

"But Donnie said you were lacking an emotional connection in your life?" questioned Leonardo who couldn't quite belief Splinter wasn't pleased with them.

"I'm certainly not my son, and I have no interest in pursuing romance either."

"Told you" whispered Raph angrily to the others.

"Donatello, you seem to have masterminded this endeavor and I wish for you to give me a copy of this profile so I may read it myself you will then delete it."

"All of you will spend the rest of this evening cleaning the lair until it is spotless and will have extra training all week. You are not to try and set me up again. Understood?" finished Splinter

"Yes Sensei" they chorused.

Slumping back in the chair as his sons left to start their chores Splinter couldn't help but feel he was being punished for the one evening last week when he had left them unsupervised while he went to inspect the sewers.

Clearly at 16 they still needed constant supervision or else they would try and pimp him out.

**A/N – Sorry about the first upload guys formatting went wrong. Please review and let me know what you think. 2014 fan fiction awards are happening over at Stealthy Stories if you want to get involved**


	8. Cheating

**Cheating**

Running across the rooftops wasn't the way Hamato Splinter had planned on spending his evening. The time when his sons are out of the lair is normally a sacred opportunity to enjoy peace, quiet and relaxation without being needed to referee arguments, lead training sessions or prevent their home from falling into chaos. Tonight however April had called the main phone in the lair and asked if he could come to her apartment quickly. His initial thought had been that his sons were in trouble though April was quick to assure him they were fine, although she refused to elaborate on what was so urgent he had to abandon his relaxing evening.

Jumping onto a rooftop just before the apartment Splinters mind went back to the conversation with April, and while she hadn't sounded worried there was a hint of annoyance hiding behind the exasperation in her voice. He couldn't help but recognise the tone of her voice as the rat feared, he also sounded like than on more than one occasion, normally after prolonged exposure to his sons and their mischief. Making his way towards the already open window Splinter braced himself for whatever madness he might encounter as well as mentally preparing the apology he was sure he would need to make to April for whatever the turtles had done or were currently doing.

Stepping out of the cool night air and into the warmth of the apartment Splinter found himself greeted by an unsettling sight. April was sitting at her kitchen table cradling a cup of coffee with Donatello also enjoying the beverage whilst Michelangelo was sprawled across the couch lazily flipping through a magazine.

"April, boys is everything alright?" he asked suspiciously, as he made his presence known.

The two turtles present snapped their attention to the rat whilst April jumped slightly, clearly not aware he had arrived.

"Master Splinter, thanks for coming so quickly" said April, leaving her seat at the dining table and making her way over to the rat.

"Hi Sensei" chorused Michelangelo and Donatello

"Where are Raphael and Leonardo?" inquired Splinter noting the absence of his two eldest sons.

"That's why we called you here" answered the red head looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Will someone please explain to me what is going on?" pressed the Ninja Master, his patience wearing thin.

Moving away from the kitchen table towards his father Donatello started "Well you see…"

"Ooh can I tell him Donnie? It's a funny story and you're not a humorous turtle!" interrupted the youngest of the brothers bouncing up from the couch towards the rest of the family.

"Ok fine" huffed his purple masked son

"Well it started when we went on patrol Sensei, it was a pretty standard night with not much to do and the usual amount of Raph brooding and Leo lecturing. So while Raph and Leo were bickering about something and Donnie was star gazing I snuck off to fill up some of my super fun water balloons! Just to lighten the mood and put a smile on my brothers faces like the considerate turtle I am" enthused the youngest turtle though Splinter was rapidly losing his remaining patience with this long winded tale.

"When I got back to my bros Karai had shown up with about a dozen foot Ninja and she was having a stare down with Leo. You know when they get all epic, draw their swords, compare their honour codes and all that?"

At that Splinter interrupted his sons rambling story "The Foot? Where are your brothers? Are they safe?"

"Don't worry they're totally fine! "reassured Michelangelo before ploughing straight back into his story "So when I saw the Foot were there and they hadn't seen me, I launched a water balloon and got Karai right in the face! All her Ninjas drew their swords but she just kind of stood there looking shocked and so did Raph, Leo and Donnie. I totally though they were going to attack us but Karai just started ranting at Leo about how being hit with a water balloon is a cheap shot and goes against warrior code blah, blah, blah. Then Leo started arguing back and they got into a full on debate about the whole thing" finished Michaelangelo at last.

After suffering through his sons explanation, Splinter found himself at a loss for words but the question of where the other two were still hadn't been answered.

"Donatello, where are your brothers?" he questioned sharply.

"Leo and Karai were debating for over two hours so we got bored and came here, Leo refused to listen to us and carried on arguing. Raph stayed to make sure they didn't attack Leo if we left him. He's really bored now, he's keeping up updated by text. April asked to speak to Leo so Raph put her on speaker, but Leo said it was a matter of honour and he refuses to yield the argument" answered Donatello seemingly bored by the whole affair.

"This is why I called you" muttered April from his left, clearly exasperated by the stubbornness of the turtles.

"Tell me where they are Donatello, I will sort this out" sighed the rat.

Heading towards the rooftop he had been directed to, the rat was greeted with the sight of Karai and Leonardo arguing loudly in the centre of the rooftop while Raphael lounged against a wall with his arms crossed over his broad chest. Karai's foot ninja's also seemed to have lost enthusiasm for their evening and were sitting crossed leg behind Karai.

Leaping from the rooftop he was currently on Splinter landed just behind Leonardo startling all present on the rooftop and causing a momentary lapse in the argument.

"Enough" called the rat approaching the arguing leaders.

"Leonardo we are leaving now. Raphael come" snapped Splinter

"But Sensei she said we have no honour! Stealth attacks are part of a Ninja's training, a true Ninja would have sensed it coming!" shouted Leonardo, clearly infuriated at Karai's apparent lack of understanding.

"You believe that water balloons are honourable? You and your brothers cheated Leonardo because you know you cannot defeat me. I didn't realise you were so afraid of me that you would resort to such underhand tactics" replied the Foot Clan second in command, equally indignant.

"This ends now! Karai go back to your master. We are leaving!" interjected Splinter grabbing the mask tails of his eldest son while Raphael seized his arm pulling him backwards.

Following on from Splinters lead the foot Ninja started on pulling Karai back towards an opposite rooftop. Though they were moving further away the two continued to bicker.

"Come back when you learn how to be a real Ninja Karai" called the blue masked turtle

"We will duel again Leonardo when you teach your brothers not to cheat!" roared Karai.

Leaning closer to his Father Raphael whispered "Thanks for the save Sensei, I didn't want to leave the knuclehead alone but he didn't half make it tempting. If I heard the words honour and cheating again I think I'd have knocked them both out."

"Your patience was admirable Raphael, I'm not convinced I would have had the same restraint" complimented the rat with a weary sigh as they finally got clear from the Foot.

Rounding on is eldest the rat demanded an explanation. "Leonardo why on Earth have you spent the last three hours arguing with Karai over a water balloon?"

"Master Splinter" Leonardo started solemnly "She accused us of cheating, it offended my honour" finished the leader as if the argument was of great importance.

At a loss for words, Splinter could only mourn the loss of his quiet night and resigned himself to spending the rest of his evening dealing out punishments as necessary and thanking April for her patience with his sons.

A/N - Sorry it's been a while! Please let me know what you thought, hopefully I'll update again soon!


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